A man, 55 years old, comes for a consultation in December 2000. He has stopped using drugs between 1975/79, helped by Sulfur and Natrum muriaticum, and by the love of his wife.
“I’m heartbroken… with my wife. She told me certain things, out of the blue. Don’t take me wrong, she’s never cheated on me but I made it bigger than it was; a little fling without consequence before we met. I’ve surprised myself by behaving that way.”
“After taking Crotalus cascavella I was good. I always saw myself in front of a closed door and that has gone. There is a hatred in me that I’ve always known; it comes from deep inside, since childhood.”
Bearing in mind Crotalus cascavella’s themes of vengeance and desire to kill with a knife, I asked him: “Did you feel like avenging yourself from your wife’s first fling? Would you feel a sense of release if you knifed him in the back?
“No, not in the back but face to face, in a duel, even if I lose. I tell myself: ‘you are evil’. I’m agnostic. I admire the faithful, their problems are over. Me, I can’t situate myself and besides that, I’ve got that hatred.”
I offer the comment that “it is impossible to have faith, seeing that all you want is to be God yourself.” He still feels nostalgic of those drug induced states, where he felt “as God, possessing all knowledge like God”.
“Yes, I feel like starting again, I crave it, it’s crazy. I’m surprised to be that way. I feel that it would be very easy to become a tyrant; they get great pleasure out of it (in fact, he is a very nice man). To be generous anonymously is very hard. I’d like to but I can’t make that step. I can be like a pit-bull if I don’t control myself, if I don’t hold myself back. I was a nasty kid; I beat people up and behaved perversely afterwards. I could find the right words to torture people; you can kill with words. Even with animals, I would corner a dog and beat him. My father bought me a BB gun and I just shot anything that was alive, mercilessly; I killed lizards, chickens, etc. I didn’t question myself.” (Jeremy Sherr sees Plutonium nitricum as brute strength without wisdom).
“Then, came the drugs, with an intellectual, non-violent circle of friends; some of them opened my eyes, the violence stopped. When I come to see you, it’s like a drug; I come to get my fix, I can’t manage without it. Is it really honest? I can’t bear anyone having power over me. My behavior is basic, instinctual. I read the Bible under the influence of LSD and I just couldn’t; I was blinded by the pages, a huge light was coming out of the book, violent, not to say nasty, like sending a flash in someone’s eyes. I gave up reading and closed the book.”
His words immediately evoke in me the theme of the light in Plutonium: he has lost his inner light and refuses the light emanating from others, from outside. He looks for his drive inwardly; great men do not interest him, he cannot bear the light, and does not find sustenance in the outer world. As soon as he cannot draw light from his inner well, he despairs for the entire world. He wants to become divine from his own inner light and does not want to be guided by an external light. As a result, he is plunged into such a deep, dense night that he feels invaded by it, as by the bad spirits he is so afraid of.
Plutonium desires transcendence for itself and for the external world through self-illumination; it wants to be a powerful light which brings order to chaos through its own vibration.
Prescription: Plutonium nitricum 1M
January 2001: “I’m very well, very well. I’m just coming for my back. I’ve pulled something while moving 330 kg crates (the brute strength without wisdom: Plutonium nitricum). I continue with Plutonium nitricum 1M in water and successed.
March 2002: “I’m better. For a while, I didn’t feel any pain but for a month now, I’m stiff in the sacroiliac joints and I’m aggressive again. I’m not filled with hatred 24 hours a day, like I used to be, I manage to ignore it but after I got upset and pushed it down, I felt full of hatred.
February 2003: He is feeling well, come for morning stiffness in his back; dull pains and lack of flexibility. He has never had these “terrible crisis of abdominal pain” as before and yet, he carries paper boxes weighing 40 kg several times a day. The hatred? “It’s much better, it’s not obsessional anymore, and I’ve realized that it’s in me. It’s easy to be violent to let the steam out. For a while, I felt like I had come onto this earth to break the family cycle of violence. I would have never been able to continue to live as I was, it was hell; I just lived with the suffering from my past, like with a drug, to flame my hatred.” I give him Plutonium nitricum 30C
February 2004: He is feeling fine. His back is giving him problems again and he is tired. I repeat Plutonium nitricum 30C
Over the next few years, I prescribed with good results: Plutonium nitricum XM for hemorrhoids, in May 2005; Plutonium nitricum LM for stomach aches, after tensions at work, in Mars 2006; Plutonium nitricum 200 for bronchitis with a dream of monsters and one catching him, in May 2006. In February 2007, he comes back for gripping and twisting abdominal pain, at night or in the morning. “Before I was haunted by the past, now it’s by the future.” I prescribe him Anhalonium on a dream. In June 2007, he still has abdominal pain and trouble with hemorrhoids. He talks again about his hatred, which from time to time comes as a flush, and analyses it: “Why do I suddenly feel hatred for people? I’ve realized that it’s jealousy; hateful jealousy. I’ve put words on all this: ‘she hasn’t done anything to you, she just has what you don’t have’.” I prescribe Plutonium nitricum XM+1. In September 2009, Belladonna resolves a headache “as if my head was going to explode.” Otherwise, he is fine. In August 2010, he is still anxious; anxiety caused by anticipation over work issue since July. He is, nevertheless, a transformed man since taking Plutonium nitricum or in his own words: “out of hell”. He will probably need more repeats.
Photos: Wikimedia Commons
The Helix Nebula: a gaseous envelope expelled by a dying star; NASA, ESA, and C.R. O'Dell (Vanderbilt University)
Chicago, Illinois. In the waiting room of the Union Station; Jack Delano
Keywords: hatred, violence, nastiness, godlike, loss of inner light, drugs
Remedies: Plutonium nitricum