2008 June

Neodymium carbonicum: To represent her total self

by Sonja Obbink
Annabel, Representing her total self

In October of 2006 I saw Annabel for the first time. She was then a woman of 26 years, fragile but still with a tough constitution.

She had done masters studies for 2 years: women studies and English language and literature.

She had struggled with panic attacks for a year.
With an attack she hyperventilates. Her hands become very wet from perspiration.
But especially she suffers from her thoughts:
I cannot do anything. I’m worthless. I’m not intelligent enough.
I cannot understand why they ever accepted me as a student.
In a word she is very stressed. The reason why it started at just this moment is she has to write essays for both studies.
Writing is the problem. She ended up in a complete writer’s block.

The essay is such a big thing for her. All aspects of her life had to be expressed in the essay in their true perspective; everything in correct proportions.
The essay has to represent her total self.
What a big weight! She collapses under that load.
Then the fear comes that she can’t find the right words and is not be able to express her meaning.
She has the feeling everything she writes is not clear. She doesn’t even know her point. “Why I should try? Nobody understands me. Everybody thinks I am stupid.”
Then comes the panic: who am I? And she loses herself.

She also had panic attacks when she was 15 years old.
She also had hyperventilation and vertigo at that time.
She was overtired. She had mononucleosis and missed a great part of the school year, but she would not repeat her class. So she worked very hard at school. Beside that she danced semi-professionally and she had a job. Everything had to be done, because then people would see her and people would want to accept her. Then she had worth being there.

When she was16 years old, she had anorexia. In that way she wanted to prove that she was good enough, was worth being beloved, and show the world she had SELF-CONFIDENCE, SELF-DISCIPLINE and SELF-CONTROL.
For months the only food she ate was 1 apple a day. Her weight declined to 41 kilos. She had no energy to bicycle up a little hill. Finally she went to the general practitioner and she got help in a therapy group.

She is very powerful, strong willed.
She is independent, accepts no support from surroundings, and she earns her own money.
There is a strong urge to be perfect, but she cannot receive compliments. She often feels inferior to other people, such as, her girlfriend who is getting her doctors degree.
If she cannot write, all other things are worthless, or at least don’t mean anything. she focuses everything on the essay.
It matters that she dances on a high level. Anyone can organize summer school.
She only wants to be a good girl. Acceptance is important.

Her ‘father’ was a Scot, and died in 2001. Her mother is a Dutch woman.
When she was 10 years, she heard her father was not her biological father.
Her mother was inseminated with donor seed. She was glad of that, because her father was very aggressive. He abused her when she was 5 and 6 years old. She fled with her mother to Holland when she was 8 years old.

She has a relationship with an Italian woman, who is very clever. That woman is now busy getting her doctors degree. Before that, the woman finished all her studies cum laude and that makes Annabel jealous: that’s she wants for herself. Her friend is so high in the hierarchy and where is she? Now she has a relationship with a woman. A man could also be possible. The sex is not important. It has to match on a spiritual level.

She suffers from nightmares. She is in the middle of a circle, surrounded by people who are important to her. They say she is stupid and laugh at her. She becomes smaller and smaller. She feels deceived: How is this possible? We have always had a good relationship and now you do this to me.
When she has had such a dream she suffers a whole day with feelings of humiliation.

The basic problem for this woman is how to represent her total self in the essay. The stress for this blocks her, so she cannot write.
She is a special woman, not common. In the way she appears, acts, and in doing two studies. She is an intelligent woman.
She looks like she is very tough.
To prove that she is good and worth being beloved is an issue for her.
Self-confidence and self-discipline are other items that are important to her.
And the essay has to represent her total SELF.
She has her goal. It’s terrible but she has started.

Solanaceae: panic, but I missed the fears, the intensity, the violence
Silver series: problems with expression in writing
Phosphorus salts: fear to be stupid, a problem with study
Sulphur salts: jealous of her partner
Carbon salts: self-worth

Lanthanides in general
Reflection, inner world
Brain: 2 studies
Self, doesn’t accept help, no compliments
Represent her total self
Intellectual development
Free in choice of relationship with a man or woman, only character tells

Stage 6
Study in the finishing year, but the beginning of the writing period
To prove

Lanthanides Stage 6
Initiation of the proof of her personal intellectual work

Worth, the essay has to prove her worth
Feels small
Problems with father when she was 6 years old!

Prescription: Neodymium carbonicum

Follow up
Short after taking the remedy she became warm and energy streamed through her body. She felt quieter, more confident. It was more clear to her what she can do and what not. She doesn’t persevere in negative thoughts.

Once she fainted in the same way as when she had anorexia.
And once she suffered from a panic attack, not in relation to writing, but because of the atmosphere, the warmth.

The writers’ block was removed. She writes a lot, in a more relaxed way. It doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.

She can better accept compliments. She is not thinking, “my essay will not succeed, so I’m a good-for-nothing girl. I am worth nothing.”

With her girlfriend it is easier. She can listen better and is not jealous anymore. The relationship is more relaxed and there is more harmony.

Where she suffered the whole day after such a dream in the past, it now takes a few minutes and she can go on.

I decided to go further with the same remedy, each month one dose.
After 4 months the writing is not the problem anymore. The fear is gone. She was not content with her mentor and searched for another. She succeeds and is very proud of that. Eight months after the beginning she finished her essays very easily.

Before the remedy she felt a big stone in her belly when she had to write. It was such an unbearable load. But after the remedy she wrote with a great ease: the chapters flew from her pen.
And her thoughts about the essay are totally different: “The essay says nothing about me, tells nothing about who I am. It’s just a product, not a representation of my total self.”
To write the essays was just a piece of cake.
Marked with a 9 and 8,5!

She feels FREE.

Categories: Remedies
Keywords: Neodymium carbonicum, writer's block


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