Feeling left out: a case of Umbilical cord and Amniotic fluid
I will not go into all the details of her case because there is not space here and it is not important in this context. B. was thirty-seven years old and her biggest problem was her deep feeling of being left out of so many things, and a huge sense of longing for something that was unknown to her; almost like being homesick but not having left home. She said she felt isolated from the world and herself. She felt she did not know herself very well, that she was a stranger, and that this world had not accepted her. Sometimes, she said she felt she did not deserve to be here but had a longing, a yearning for some unknown thing that made her feel depressed.
Both her parents were dead, and when I asked if this feeling had come as a grief for them, she said, “No, I think I have always had it.”
Prescription: Umbilicus humanus 36
The signature of this remedy is one of being disconnected from source and self. Issues of identity, self-worth, belonging and not belonging, mistakes made. Homesickness, connections/disconnections, and things lost.
First follow-up: soon after the remedy, she had a very vivid dream. Fortunately, she was keeping a diary and has allowed me to use it here:
“I saw myself as an angel, dressed in red with a red and blue ribbon wrapped across my chest. I was a tiny angel. After my dream, I remembered the story of the Littlest Angel that my mother read to me when I was small. I always felt sad for him, as there were no others angels his age in heaven. The little angel gives the precious treasures he has brought with him to heaven from his earthly life to baby Jesus. Then, I wondered what he had to play with after that. Oh my God, what a sad story! I remembered that I saw my mother cry the last time she read it to me.”
Prescription: no remedy (In the
proofing there were many images of Angels!)
Second follow-up: a week or two after our appointment, my client had a visit with her mother’s sister. Another diary entry:
“I had never told any of my family about my feelings about myself, but I decided it was time I shared it. After talking to my aunt about what’s going on with me, she told me that I had a twin brother who died when we were only three weeks old. I was shocked. I cannot believe it but it all makes sense. I am realizing how sad I must have been when he didn’t survive, because we had shared our whole coming into being together. Finally, I know now what this deep well of loss is about; this empty space around me, only I couldn’t name it. I think I can almost remember him and when I looked into the mirror, I thought it was him and not me, and that he is the one who lived and I was the one who died. I am weeping now as I write this. It feels as if the grief is so deep and so familiar, and now I have a name for it. It has always been there, surrounding me, and I am both sad and happy to know what it is about.”
I asked if her dream about the angel might have been about her brother, and tears came. She said so much is making sense to her. “I have been grieving for this all my life, but I didn’t know what it was.”
Prescription: Aqua Amniota Humana 24
I followed with amniotic fluid because it is the remedy that takes us back to the place where we were formed and flows with such deep grief. In the proofing, there was an obvious return to the womb, getting information from the fetal waters about how we were formed, gaining information while in formation. I have found that these two remedies often can follow one another. It is as if one can lead to the other. The Umbilical allowed her to open up enough to talk to her family. There, she found an answer. I could have waited but felt she needed fetal waters to ease the grief that was surrounding her.
Third follow-up: she had written:
“Now, I grieve for him, for me, and for my mother who died without
release from her pain. Now, I can understand her distance from me. It is still
painful but it all makes sense. I wish she had been able to talk to me about it
when she was still here.”
Prescription: no remedy
Fourth follow-up: many months later, she came for another appointment and looked so vibrant. She said sloughing off the guilt she carried for being a survivor had released some kind of magic energy in her and she felt as if she had had a brand new birth, and she wanted to share that with me.
Prescription: no remedy
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
I wait; Julia Margaret Cameron; Public domain
Keywords: isolated, unaccepted, death of a twin, homesickness, identity
Remedies: Amniotic fluid, Umbilical cord