Case Hydrocyanicum acidum 2
Second case of Hydrocyanicum acidum
The next person I treated with this remedy was a woman on whose case I had been working for two years without success. She was born in 1953, and had been under specialist’s treatment for 7 years due to severe Colitis ulcerosa. For this she was taking prednison and salazopyrine. She had had several colon resections. Despite the prednison she said “I have no control over my stools; the brakes are off. I have so much diarrhea that I have to wear Pampers all the time. There is usually blood in my stools. I have anaemia because of all the bleeding. My stools are black and stinky, like in a sewer. I can’t trust my bowels at all; I can’t lead a normal life. Everywhere I go I have to see where the toilet is, and if I can’t find it I panic. Any anticipation brings on even more diarrhea. At night I have to get up ten to fifteeen times just to go to the toilet with diarrhea. I don’t understand where all this poop comes from - it’s as though much more comes out of me than I ever put in!”
“I’ve had so many sicknesses, I’m just fed up with it all. I’ve had nephrotic syndrome when I was 18. I spent two years in and out of the hospital. I was retaining fluid, and it became a danger to my heart. I didn’t want to drink anything for fear that I would retain it because my kidneys weren’t working. For a year and a half I had anorexia, I just didn’t want to live and I was afraid to drink because of the kidney problem. I had skin cancer after the anorexia, now I have such a panic for cancer. With any pain I feeI my mind goes: “this must be cancer”. I drive myself crazy. It is so bad, I would rather just die that live with this anxiety. I am always getting boils on my skin. I have had about a hundred now and they have always had to be incised. I am losing all confidence in my body. And now they tell me that I am going to have to have a stoma, too!”
“I don’t want anybody to notice how nervous I am, so I keep up a good front. My three children are everything to me. But I get tired of my own thinking; I am always concerned about them, I can hardly let them out of my sight. My thoughts go on and on; in my thoughts they are already dead as soon as they go out of the door. I am organising the church service. I can even see myself lying there, dead. I have the feeling that all the responsibility for the children rests on me, and it drives me crazy. Even if they have a simple ‘flu I think “they might get meningitis on top of it. I’m always planning things, organising, making sure that everything is ready. If there is something to celebrate in our family, like a birthday or Christmas, then I make a huge thing of it. It is as though it will be the last time for me and I want it to be special. I have such a fear of the future: now I laugh, but tomorrow I might be dead. I have to take Feverin to keep calm. But even with the medication I still tremble and shake from nervousness. I feel so wound up and speedy. My father died when I was 18 - he was such a fine man, I really loved him. He had a series of heart attacks. Every time I heard an ambulance I thought it would be for him and that he would be dead. When he died I lost my confidence.”
“My legs are restless, I have to keep them in motion. I have to be busy to keep my thoughts at bay; running helps me to relax. When I am feeling sick then I get more boils, and I get spontaneous bruises on my legs. I sweat an awful lot at night, but in the daytime, too. It just streams from my body. Usually I’m chilly, but I can have bursts of heat. My menstrual period is completely out of order; I had to go on the pill because of all the bleeding with clots. I get headaches beforehand, a really stiff neck and occiput, and I am even more nervous than usual. I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome since the birth of my first child; I get numb hands and cramps in my feet.”
“I can’t bear to hear loud music. When I hear it then I hear voices that say: “help me, help me”, or I hear someone crying. It is as though there is someone just behind my door calling me. I always dream of the war, of all those houses being plundered. I dream that I am hiding in the cellar of a house with my children. I even dreamt this when I was a child, and I didn’t have children yet! I am so frightened about being separated from my children. I see people being taken from their houses by soldiers, into vans. In my dream I put my children under the floorboards, and I wait at the door. When the soldiers come I say: “There is no one here, but if you have to take someone, take me.” This feeling is with me all the time, the horrible thought of being dragged away from my children, and that they will have to live without me. They are still so young. When I think this my heart pounds.”
Meanwhile, the months dragged on, and I gave her remedy after remedy: Argentum Nitricum, Arsenicum, Arsenicum Iodatum, Anthracinum, Crotalus Horridus, Aconitum, Stramonium, Natrium Sulphuricum, Cimicifuga, with no change at all in her situation. She continued to tell how it felt for her: “I am in such a hurry. I rush though my food as though there is not enough; I’m finished before my family has even started! I almost run when I walk. I can never sit to still to read a book because my thoughts are on the go. It is as though I am racing against Death itself. At night I have such a pressure on my chest; it feels as though someone is sitting on it. I still dream about war. I dream that I have to go back to the city where I live and I am told that I can’t go there because there is a war on. I have to go back to my children and protect them, hide them, but they get caught anyway. It is the worst possible thing to be torn away from your own children. I saw the film “Sophie’s choice”, where the woman had to make a choice about which of her two children would be allowed to live while they were in the concentration camp - I couldn’t sleep for days after that. It’s as though I have been in the war myself. When I am out on the street, or in a bank, then I think: “Some idiot could come in here and start shooting, thank God the children aren’t here with me.” I am afraid of the dark, as though something unexpected could come and grab me. I have fears with anything over my head; as a child I would be hysterical with water over my face.”
“In May my fears are at their worst; there is so much to do with the Second World War at that time, with the commemoration. It’s only the Second World War that affects me this way, not other wars. What a terrible thing for people to have to experience, all those mothers who tried to protect their children. When it is the 5th of May it is like a ‘holy’ day for me, even as a child. I would get upset if people treated it as a vacation, or if they ignored the 2 minutes of silence at eight in the evening. I have a “thing” with the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam; for me that is a holy place, too. If people go there and are not respectful it makes me really angry. I could stand in line for hours, just to be there. I can relate to the panic that they could come and get you. As a child I was attracted to the Jewish faith, even though we are all Catholics in my family. I wanted to change my faith, even though I didn’t know any other Jews. People say my husband looks like a Jew; if you would put a skull-cap on him he would fit right into Israel!”
At this point I gave her Hydrocyanic Acid C200, even though it didn’t come up in any repertorisation. It seemed that the picture was one of a mother during the war, being torn away from her children and taken away in a van. It would seem that she had experienced hunger as well, given her need to eat so quickly. Because she continually referred to the Second World War and her affinity with Jews, I assumed that, in her own way, she was referring to a concentration camp. It is interesting to note that she has no concept of past lives, nor any interest in this field.
A few days after the remedy she phoned - the first time she had done so between visits. “Something has changed in my poop: it’s gone all grey and it’s firm, I have to push it out.” Anything else? “My back-cramps have gone”. For this complaint she and her husband had bought several different beds and mattresses, but she had never thought to mention it, being so used to it. Anything else? “I have a feeling that I can let go of my children more easily.”
During the next months the improvement was rapid. She gained weight and had to buy new clothes, having previously been very thin. The cramps in her back (opisthotonus) completely disappeared, and her stool normalised. She was able to spend a whole day without rushing to the toilet. It was a huge step for her to dare to go shopping without Pampers on, but she managed to undertake many things she had not done in years. She was pleased to be able to read a book without jumping up every minute to see where the children were. One boil arose, and healed without further treatment. An old psoriasis patch on her lower leg returned briefly and the spontaneous bruising ceased. The restlessness in her legs remained to some extent for several months. Her menses became less black and clotted. As she said: “I am very contented. I still don’t dare to think too much about the future, but I am happy with the present.”
About 7 months after taking the remedy she came back in a state of despair. Her joints were giving her a great deal of pain, and she was seizing up again. She clamped her jaws stiffly tight at night, and her back was bending backwards again. The bloody diarrhea was returning. “It is as though I am in a different world at times. I see everybody walking, there are people standing on my chest. I start to tremble.” When I asked her if anything had happened she said that it had all come back when she had chanced on a dreadful scene on a street in her town. A man from Iran was refused asylum in Holland, and he was to be sent back to his country. In despair, he sat on the street and poured petrol over himself, then set himself on fire. The horror of this scene seemed to bring back her complaints, and we repeated the remedy.
One year after taking the remedy and before I stopped personally treating her due to my move to New Zealand, the situation was as follows: all allopathic medication, including Prednisone, was ceased. (Note that the prednisone had not been a hindrance to the treatment). Stools were normalised: no more diarrhea, no pain or distension in abdomen. General restlessness was vastly improved: no more restless legs, not so tense, not so hurried. No more boils or bruising. Menses improved: no more warm flushes, distended belly, or depression. Eye-sight improved: vision had been “terrible” at times, especially with tension. Tension, lump sensation in throat persisted at times: “I have throat cancer!”, but was generally improving. She was back to work as a teacher.
Keywords: Hydrocyanicum acidum, colitis ulcerosa, ulcerative colitis