The first time I met S., I initially felt uneasy and took a step backwards on opening the door to him. He was tall and rangy, long-legged, and had medium length thick grey hair. His occupation was contract gardening but he called himself a healer, especially of animals.
S. had come for family problems involving their eight year old foster daughter, whose manipulative behaviour and extreme episodes of explosive behaviour were disrupting the family. She had been uplifted from her family home when she was five and had been in a series of placements since then. He was concerned with the effect that this was having on his own well-being, as he was becoming depressed.
He described his foster daughter in animal terms: “she is like a critter, a woodpecker that persistently goes on, doing my head in. She can’t back off. She is like someone who lives under a hedge, playing in the dirt, animalistic. There is no connection between actions and consequences. Even my dogs don’t trust her; they suspiciously walk her to the edge of the deck and try to push her off. She has a ‘black energy’, as if she could kill us; I think she has killed me already.
I feel very misunderstood. I used to have cuddles with her, read to her. But she was always putting me a bad light, telling on me. Once she deliberately fell over sideways, saying “he tried to choke me”, so I never touched her again. Our family was already under scrutiny from the children’s welfare department and I felt that I always had to apologise to my wife and to the agency, so I isolated myself from her. I don’t like being in the spotlight. Sometimes I could feel a blackness coming from her, as though spider webs were filling the space. It was not as though I was being taken over, I could simply sense the black energy around her.
I’ve gone completely flat; I have no sense of humour anymore. My head feels empty. I only feel good when I am doing healing with animals; if I’m not doing that I don’t know who the hell I am anymore. You could have hit me on the head, I wouldn’t have known.
Things come to me out of the blue, they just happen without me seeing them coming, like when she accused me for no reason. I feel indignant about that but vulnerable at the same time because every family who has a foster child is under such strict control by social workers and police; you have to be so careful about what you say and do because it is all noted.
I’m always wondering what I will be coming home to. She has me beat, I feel as though I’ve been through the wringer. I feel like I should be bigger that this; it’s so confusing, I try not to let myself down. She’s just a kid, I try not to bite. Last year, I was watching her eat, putting her fingers in and out of her mouth full of food, and it made me feel so ill that I vomited black stuff.
Energetically, I’m here but not here, as though I’m living two lives. I have no joy and no sense of safety. I’m angry and frustrated inside, I don’t like that. I’m not competitive but I don’t like to be beaten; I like to be in control. I’ve gone from being soft and caring to being hard, but not with animals. I love to work with them, heal them; they are like mirrors, a beautiful connection. I have conversations with animals.
Two years ago, a friend died and on the same day I found my father curled up in his bed, having died in his sleep. I’m glad that it was me who found him but it hurt when he died; I miss him. He was lovely to everyone and he would generously do things for people. My mother died when I was 27, I had to nurture myself from then on. “
Sleep and dreams
“When I am asleep, I am more in my body.”
“I have fantastic dreams, like big movies. They are exciting and sometimes prophetic. My dreams often contain horses, fires, floods, and wolves; they are spiritual creatures, very genuine. I like genuine people.”
He believes that energy carries on after one’s death. While giving healing to a woman, a wolf ‘came in’; it was her grandfather. This sort of occurrence is common to him. He senses energy changes acutely, for example, during a visit from a social worker: “she changed, like a wolf, and that made me wary.”
His upbringing taught him to be respectful of others, to know one’s place so as not to let oneself down.
Generals and modalities
He loves being outdoors, in both rough and calm weather; he likes thunderstorms, walking in the rain, and watching the wind blow things around. He does not feel the cold and he prefers cooler temperatures to hot. He likes to wear open-necked shirts and does not mind working up a sweat.
Analysis and treatment
His language, dreams, and manners were very animal-like and descriptive. He was normally very witty and quick, but he had become flat. He had a strong disciplinary manner about him and did not like to be challenged, especially by a young girl whom he felt he should have been able to cope with. This made him feel disempowered and confused.
Three aspects of our meeting came to mind:
1) My initial nervous reaction on first meeting him, which diminished to watchfulness during the consultation. He had an animal quality about him and he loved to be outdoors in the elements, with his dogs.
2) His work with ‘spirit’, his dreams, his psychic abilities, and his fear of his foster daughter’s ‘blackness’.
3) His great respect for his father and what he stood for: the generosity and kindness to others, and the sadness at the loss of his father.
Everything pointed to a Lac remedy.
On reading Farokh J. Master’s book on the Lacs, I encountered Lac lupinum, described as someone who is especially sad at the loss of the father and needs to be around authenticity and integrity.
Lac Lupinum 1M was prescribed, which he initially just held in his hand. He said that “ it made him feel as though he was being rocked in his mother’s arms.” Due to his ability to perceive his own condition, we agreed that he should take the remedy as he saw fit and he liked to be responsible for himself.
Mr. S. remained well in himself for the next two years, taking the remedy from time to time. He became much calmer and found that he dealt with his daughter in a less didactic way. Relationships improved and the tension lessened in the household.
Photo by Chris Muiden, Wikipedia
Keywords: depression, death of the father, love of outdoors, misunderstood
Remedies: Lac lupinum